Need A Repair

Say hello to this messy-shitty-life!

Okay, so maybe it’s quite difficult to face this May than I think before. I don't know, they said things like going perfectly fine for me, but in contrary, I feel so bad, wasted, emptiness. I laughed a lot, but cried much more. I enjoyed my day, but cursed most of my time.

Well I'm fully thankful for you God, for gave me these great family and wonderful friends. But there's a missing part, for God's sake I don’t know what it is. It’s like there's an empty feeling that appeared even when I'm in a crowded place.

I can say I hate it, but I can't deny that nothing's happened. And today is my lowest points, and I'm weak, sick, and tired because of them all.

First problem: I feel so bored, even lots of money can’t bring happiness to me. I really want to go traveling somewhere and find new experiences, and escape myself from this activity. Too bad I can’t go anywhere now.

Second problem: I want graduate from college sooner and follow my family move to Bandung and start my new life there and forget all my bad memories in here. I can’t stand it, I hate being in this place and know what I don’t want to know. They started to disturb my life and I’m scared with it!

Third problem: I always in love love love fucking love, and I’m getting more confused with my own feeling. He lost my highest respect, sorry boy but you hurt me, you know I tried to stay with you, but what you have done?

And I guess there’re still a lot of problems, but truthfully I can't tell anymore to anyone.

I hate my deadline. Hate the internet. Hate the crowds. Hate my money. Hate itineraries.

Hate myself most.