Well, it's already past midnight. In this condition, my eyes still awake, something that rarely happens on Wednesday. And I'm really tired all because my all housework and I must teach for 5 hours. Usually at times like this my eyes are very sleepy and can't do anything else. Not infrequently I plan to learn the Dutch language TOEFL has canceled due because I really tired. Sleep, the best thing and the only thing I can do.
But tonight is different. Though I don't drink coffee all day or take a nap. Drinking beer, let alone.
What makes tonight different is because I had a big fight with my boyfriend. Yes, a big fight, so great as can cut my hand and be a victim of my knife that I gave to him, a souvenir from a holiday yesterday. I'm not trying to kill myself, it's just both of us were really out of control and so crazy, and think that a very sharp knife was only regarded as a rubber eraser. Although previously I also had a big fight with my ex-boyfriends, but never until this bad, and I slapped him, something I had never done before, and one of us have hurt (correction, he was also injured on her lips because I slap). It's crazy, really crazy.
Finally I asked myself, is this should I undergo a relationship? And I always hope my relationship with him could be lived with maturation and I never imagined we would fight like this. The worst thing we fight over because too general reasons: selfish and jealous. Suddenly I felt as if my self is not useful. At the age of 20 years I have had many previous dating experiences beforen and still I fight with my boyfriend because the same thing. So what's the point I always quasi-adult and give advice on love to my friends if I solve mine was not in maturation? In fact must be resolved with a slap and blood? How bastard me!
And should I slap him? One thing I really, really hate to do. Maybe because I grew up with a slap. Whether it's from dad, mom, or from my seniors, I hate being slapped, and I've promised not to slap anyone. But it turns out I slapped my boyfriend tonight. Then I suddenly remembered my parents, who divorced because of domestic violence. I hate it. But what's the difference between me with my parents if I was also persecuted the people I love? Why do I then become the person with bad attitude? Even if we were destined, whether this will still happen until we get married later?
Well, maybe we were wrong, and I was really wrong. I was wrong in taking attitudes and decisions in this relationship. Perhaps I still have to learn, to know how he is, his world, as well as his attitudes and his ways of thinking. I'm aware, we're both from different worlds. But hey, even Cathy Sharon and Ridho Roma comes from a really different world, right? So, who says we can't try to make a good relations?
It's also not the last argument. Even if we both are paired, it's just a small problem from more problems we would face later. And though our world is different, it doesn't mean we can't understand each other. And I will learn from this mistake, although it may take a little longer. If I really truly love him, someday I can certainly accept and understand him completely and the way he is.
Slow, but sure.
Slow, but sure.
This is my hand was hurt last night
It became worse and can't stop bleeding. If this won't better until tomorrow,
I'll take it to the doctor for stitches
4 comment:
It happened also because you are still always pictured with past life your parents, do not make them or anyone to do anything like that, it's just a matter of ego, when you can understand it I think you can understand the cause of it all, buakn just accept each other's way of life that differently by couples, but how to live together, because something different will never last forever, unlike the result in a higher emotion to hold.
and I learn from us, from our lives before it ever existed.
Well, I don't know who you are, but thankS for giving me passion for this problem. Yeah you know, it's very difficult to remove this shadow of my head, whether it's because I grew up in that way or because of condition that until this day I still live with my parents who grow me up like that. I got to thinking about running away from home and start my own life to escape the past.
But I know how it'S wrong, and won't solve the problem. So I promised to change my way of thinking and acting, become more mature and not fixated on the past. Let it be the life of my parents, because I have other plans in my life which better than theirs.
Thank you very much.
your welcome :) your so open minded :) nice :)
hhaa it's just nothing at all..
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