Ik Mis Je Zo Verdomd Veel! *

I miss him so damn much.

This is the fourth day he left Makassar to make him new diver's license card which has missing. Well, it because his wallet has missing when he picked me up at the mall last Sunday. And so far he don't return yet.

Okay, maybe this is not our first time separated by distance for a long time. Previously he had left the city for several days while attending his cousin's wedding party in Malino. I even left him for about 3 weeks when I spent my new year holiday abroad in Malaysia and Singapore. It felt very difficult at that time, because it was in a different country and difficult access to the internet so I couldn't call him as usual. Well, the time it seemed I really miss him like crazy! I can't imagine if I had graduated Coops Inco and I must move to Soroako for about 3 months, I might die because I'm "too" miss him want to see him.

Well, at least he's back tomorrow here. I can't wait to meet him again and spend time with him. I can't wait to kiss him again, run my fingers through his hair, look into his eyes, or just feel him.


Come back soon, boyfie!

ari and his weird attitude

*i miss you so damn much 

Strangers

I often look at pictures of strangers and wonder where they are right now, what they're thinking, if they're doing alright. I look at the eyes that give up their secrets, I let myself wonder if they're the same people they're in that moment.

Are they alone, are they struggling, are they lost? Are they breaking, are they free? Are they someone I would have loved had I gotten the chance? Are their crooked eyes and wrinkled foreheads screaming behind a twisted smile, trying to tell me something? Who are they?

Not just their souls and in between the cracks and memories and broken bones, what kind of being, what kind of soul are they carrying? I don't know that I'll ever get the chance to find out. I don't know that we'll ever walk the same road or find our lives miraculously interviewed, because fate has made it so. Or will that face always just be that single face, that single picture, that single moment in a timeless life I'll never know?

Where Are You, Inspiration?

Okay, I've started rarely write lately.

The first reason maybe because I'm so busy with my activities everyday, from go to college until do my part-time job in the evening, so sometimes I when come home I feel very sleepy and tired and not in the mood again for taking the time to write because it feels like want to go to bed better.

The second reason is because I'm less of inspired. Back again to the first reason, my activities requires me to focus on deadlines and it make me fell so busy and I don't have more free time to sit down and look for inspiration for my writing because I was busy thinking about something else.

The third reason is I often spent my time with two useless things: sleep and play twitter! Oh no, I am aware this is very a wasting time and not a productive activity, but I can't take myself to do that. Yes, procrastination again!

So, where're you, inspiration? I need you to write something on my blog or it will neglected again..

Responsibilities

Too many responsibilities can leave you feeling as if your life is out of your control. There are too many things at once going on in your life. One thing after another, and another and another. That’s not healthy. If you ever feel like you’re being pulled in too many directions, it may be time to find a better balance in your life. Make sure your priorities are straightened out before you make new ones. You need time management. Ask for help when you need it, you’re friends and family are always there for you. And don’t procrastinate. It just leads to more stress.

Trying to Stop Yourself From Catching Feelings for a Person You Know You Shouldn't be Falling for is Absolutely Hard.

Shit. It's sucks when you try to control the way we feel about certain things and/or people. It’s hard. I don’t even think you can. I mean we can control our thoughts ..but our feelings? Like I said, it’s hard. It comes to the point where it can control us because it does affect the way we act. I don’t know what it is. All I know is that they most the influence our decisions in some way, even the most of the time we know it shouldn’t. 

*shrugs. 

What If?

Do you ever sit and think, what if? 

What if you had never said the first hello, or what if our paths never crossed? 

What if you kept your mouth shut and just let things pass? 

What if you had just five more minutes? 

What if you could turn back time and make it all stand still? 

Where would your life be? 

Better? 

Worse? 

Less confused? 

More confused? 

Happier? 

Sadder? 

Just, what if?

Promise

hey sweetheart,

may i look at your eyes all day long,
so i can still feel the warmth until the night is come?

yes sweetheart,

fill my empty heart,be the one who cheer me up, please stay behind my back.

and i promise you one thing :
i will never ever let you down

New Look!

Hey, I just changed my blog theme! Yeah, I feel quite boring with my old plain-white theme with no interesting pattern. I think it makes me a little sleepy and boring while reading it and I'm afraid you also feel that way.

So, I decided to change it. I've choose a paper-note theme for my blog because it really describes the way I am as a busy girl - a college student and a part-time job at the same time, with many plans, schedules and goals, well I really need notebook or organizer to manage it all, right?

Well, my hope with this new theme I'll get more inspiration in writing and you can feel more interest to read it.Don't forget to leave your comment, I really need your tips.

Enjoy!

blah.

I want a hug. I want someone to hug me tight to let all this feeling fade off. I want that person to whisper in my ears how a great of a person I am. I need comfort. Maybe sleep will make that happen.

Geez.

Hey My 6th Semester! :)

Yeah, the new semester has begun!

Okay, maybe for most people is a bit annoying. You know, deal with college means you must get up quickly for classes in the morning, tasks and paper, pop quiz, a stern lecturer, bla bla bla ..

I also experienced it yesterday. I should start the first day of this semester with a class at 8 am. Zzzz, I wish I could sleep longer. It feels lazy to go back with all my busyness. College, study, working, teaching, anything like that. I think I wouldn't have time anymore to do my hobbies like watching movies, writing, or even go on dates with my boyfriend.

But hey, let's see the positive session! At least with back to college means I have the opportunity to develop myself, to do what has become my target this year, get new experiences, and most importantly, I could meet with my friends everyday in campus! Well, it's glad to meet them all and laughing together. When I started to feel bored with the routine of college they'll be there to encourage and cheer me up. That's the best thing I can get everyday in my campus.

So, welcome new semester, welcome struggle! I'm ready to face all the challenges!

PS: Special thanks for 'bigfam' mace-tante cindy-bang rio-glendi-k'indah-k'asrif-k'lucky-k'ari-k'vola-k'aswar-k'joe-k'anda. Without you all campus are so boring!

Trust

human supposed to be a damn selfish creature.
when God gave us life, we want it to be happy ever after.
when He gave us love, we want it to be ours forever.
when He let us to choose what we want, we always want to be a winner.


when He wants us to lose, we cry out loud,screaming about how unfair He is.
when He gave us second chances, we're back to the devil's path.
when He took back what we have, we cursed at Him,we criticized him.
but when He gave us a new thing to keep,sometimes we forget to take care of it,we neglected it.


most of the times,we hear what the devils said.
but when devil messed up with our life,
they laugh and say :
'human,in God we trust'


now human, because we're selfish,we keep in the cycle.
i will still be a harlot and you are the whore.
eventhough deep down inside we know,
in God we should trust. 

Fabolous February!

Yay, it's already February! I can't imagine January has over. I can still remember clearly how I celebrate the new year's eve in Singapore early last month. It was a really, really great holiday! And I hope that holiday is a gonna be good start for all of my activities this year.

Well, time passed very quickly indeed.

I can't feel the next week I've started college again. This means that the holiday has truly complete. Then I have back to study, back to work, and back to struggle. And I'm ready with all my plans for this semester. Seriously! I really want to improve my performance in college after all of my success last semester. Finally, my GPA can go over to 3, and  I've reached 104 point for my credits. That means graduation is getting closer and I should be more serious for my future.

Okay, maybe in January, I did procrastination again. I've plan to spent my holiday for reading and learning more TOEFL diverted to other things: SLEEP! Well, at least many other plans during this holiday have been accomplished although not succeed for 100%. One thing that makes me happy is I can manage my finances better. Yes, my biggest problem all along that I was too extravagant. And thank goodness this month I was able to reduce expenses and hopefully I can go on this year.

Hopefully all the plans and goals I accomplished this month can be better than last month. Maybe I won't celebrate the Chinese New Year or Valentine's Day because I'm not a Confucian and I really not a romantic person and I don't like pink. Well, everyday is a Valentine's Day, right? . But I try to keep enjoying every moment that would exist in this month. Perhaps by taking photos in the moments of Chinese New Year or Valentine's, I don't know. At least I'll face this month with a new spirit, especially for all challenge in my college this semester.

Finally, happy fabulous February!