Mid-Year Evaluation

So here we go again people, the last day in June. Time moves so fast, we almost pass through a half year this time, don’t you realize this? Well I still remember how I spent my New Year’s holiday in Singapore, how I applied to COOPS selection on February, or the first time I’ve been to Sorowako to join this project on March. Tomorrow is July, and I’ll get something new again. I’ll face project Go Live on July, start my senior year in college on August, and become 21 on September. And maybe (and I hope) I’ll get my traveling time at the end of this year, celebrate New Year somewhere I’ve never been before.

I know it’s so yesterday to talk about resolution. Most of people make this every New Year, but most people also think it just wasting time because we’ll never keep on it, you just feel exited at the beginning but then feel bored to finish it until the end of the year and then forget it, let them go and enjoy your life as you want without any rules. But even at my age now, I still make it every year, at least to remind I have goals and targets in my life, either for better future life or just enjoy it. I like the way I check the list and find I did more than half all my resolutions, well I think I become better with it. I also like remind myself in the middle of the year about those resolutions, at least to keep me still on the right path.

And here’s my evaluation, blue for success, black for pending, red for failed, and green for in progress. Curious? Here’s the list:

Top 1 to 5 for my better future life and career:

1.  Get TOEFL Score At Least 530

I don’t get the test yet because I still in Sorowako to finish the project. I’ll take it at the end of this year, probably, and with my practice during this project and since I have lots of international friends, well I hope I can get better score.

2.  Practice My Dutch or Learn French

Too bad I’m so busy in this project and I never practice my Dutch or start learning French. Yes, I bring my books in here, but then it stay in my board, untouched. Am I failed? Well at least I get bonuses. These foreigners inspire me to learn some Hindi, Brasilian Portuguese, and also Chinese. It out from my plan, but I still learn from. Green for this, I’ll keep learn!

3.  Get Some Scholarship

Well thanks God, I’ve got the scholarship from my university this period, again. I consider for apply some international scholarship for my senior year, but I don’t know exactly and too much about the details. Maybe Neso, IIEF, or AIESEC will be interesting. Well let me thing and find some information about that.

4.  Get GPA Score At Least 3,25

Yeah, maybe I’m smart enough but I’m not a very diligent student in college. My last GPA is 3,03 at the begin of this year, and I take a break in this semester because I join in this project. So there’s no more GPA until next year. I’ll get better for next.

5. Join COOPS INCO

Yay, a big bright blue for this! Well since I became a freshman in college I already have a goal to be selected for join in COOPS INCO, and I did it. I’ve got a great working experience in this international company, got international certificate, and also they pay me so well, what a very big salary! And what more I can say about this? Ah, you know what I feel!

Top 6 to 10 for my hobby, something fun, and to enjoy my life:

6.  Get One New Gadgets

You know I’m not so interested to use advanced and expensive gadget, it just waste my money I think, I better keep it for traveling. But since I join in this project and get more than enough salary, then why I don’t buy something just for appreciate myself? Like a gift? And these are my choice, IPod and also Android! I feel so proud I can buy these by my own money, I’ll keep use them very carefully, as long as I can. Yeah you know I’m a bad gadget-keeper…

7.  Go To At Least Two New Place or One New Country

Everyone knows I like traveling so much! Like my last year resolutions, I plan to visit two places or one country that I’ve never been before. For this time, yeah I already visited Sorowako and it was sooo awesome! You can find anything here, lake, mountain, sea, hills, waterfall, even mine and secondhand clothing store. Ah, I love being here! For next plan well I think I’ll going to Komodo and Lombok Islands, or Thailand and Myanmar. Let’s see how it can be accomplished after I finish this project.

8.  Be A Certified Scuba-diver

If you know how I love traveling, you must also know how I also love beach and sea so much. But I think it’s not enough yet if you don’t have diving certificate. Luckily my friend offered me certification training with international license and you won’t believe how cheap it is! I already applied to join after Idul Fitri. Well I can’t wait that time!

9.  Read More Read

Man, I’m serious about this. I’ve read lots of book when I was in school and I want that habit back! And I’m trying. I have lots of good books now, and I read and learned so much from it. Most of them are travel journal, yeah traveler’s fave books you know. It’s good thing, improve my knowledge really better than spend my time for gossip, play games, or sleep. And one bonus, I already had my own Lonely Planet Indonesia, a traveler holy bible!

10. Write Back Write

It was song long time ago since I was always writing anything. Poems, short stories, even speech script. I remember the last time I wrote is when I win poem contest, around 2006. Hhaa, I even already forgot how to write well something great and touchable. That’s why I decide to write back. That’s why I decide to make this blog. I know it still not good enough to apply for a contest, well I think I lost my write skill now. At least I can share what’s on my mind and to open it with something new and different, and see anything with different way. Let the time makes my skill better, I’ll keep write to improve it.

That’s all, folks! Well I still have 6 months to finish them all. One has failed, well I it wasn’t because of me so no problem. I hope I’ll have 6 or more ‘blue’ in the end of this year. I’ll keep on my path and do my best, for sure.

What about you? How much ‘blue’ you have now?

Keep moving!

Losing My Brain

I felt like blogging today. I felt like blogging yesterday, and I felt blogging a week ago. But I never did, never until today, when I felt like blogging.

And yeah, I’m stuck in here. I’m stuck in this town, stuck in the office with my laptop, daily report, and bustle. Too bad I’m stuck in my own brain, my own word. I tried to write something since couple weeks ago, but I can’t find the best one to share. I’ve got money, but I lost my free time. I’ve got new songs, but I lost my mood. I’ve got lots of books, but I lost my inspiration. My English really better now, but I lost my Dutch and I think my Portuguese also will be.

Worse, I think I already forget how does feel like a university student. I forget the way I roll out of bad on my lazy day for morning class. I forget the moment I sing around the class with my best friend Petty while waiting my lecturer. I forget the time I spend my break time, hang out in the canteen with my boy friends, got my fave vanilla ice cream, bake chicken, or coffee. I forget the way I mix my big shirt, loose tee and tank top, boyfriend jeans, and also my sneakers. And I forget all I’ve learned in class. I forget all I’ve learn for five semesters, the formulas, the charts, the literatures. I forget them all.

Worst, I think I’m losing my brain.

And hello, where the hell did I put you?

I’m trying to find it.

Feel, Fight

You know that feeling?

When you’re just waiting.

Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day.

That feeling of both relief and desperation.

Nothing is wrong. But nothing is right either.

And you’re tired. Tired of everything, tired of nothing.

And you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay. But no one’s going to be there.

And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you.

But you’re tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else.

Tired of being strong.

And for once, you just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved.

But you know you won’t be. But you’re still hoping.

And you’re still wishing. And you’re still staying strong and fighting, with tears in your eyes.

You’re fighting.

Hey Man, This Is For You!

I dedicated this post to my Indian friend in Gunung Batu, Vineet Handa. Why him?

Well actually I’ve never plan to write about this. But I just knew this things from my friend, Awa’, this afternoon when she sent me a mail. She told me that Vineet Handa, an Indian who works in project and sit in a room with Awa’, asked about blog. Awa’ told about ours, and Vineet gave his opinion. He didn’t understand what Awa’ write on her blog because it was written in Bahasa Indonesia. Then Awa’ said, “You can read Jenny’s blog because she wrote in English”. And guess what he said? “I did, but Jenny doesn’t write about herself. Just about her boyfriend, boyfriend, and boyfriend”

… (Cricket sound)

Then suddenly I laughed out loud. You know I think it’s ridiculous, but I feel surprised at the same time. How come he knows about my blog and sounds like he almost read all the post? Well maybe he saw the link on Facebook or Sunil told him about this blog. But about boyfriend’s post, well it’s not like that, man. I don’t mean to write too much thing about boyfriend, I just want to share what’s on my mind now. But that’s the fact, at this time he always be the answer when somebody asks me what I’m thinking about. I’m in love now, and I have no inspiration enough to write about other thing. Yeah I have lots of things to write down, but I don’t know, I just feel like I can’t find the right words to share them, or I feel too tired when I’m home and I’m not in the mood to write them all. That’s not a good thing, I know.

But at least you still can read about me. Just check the post with ‘on my mind’ or ‘proud to be me’ labels. You’ll know about me or what I’m thinking about on those posts. Or you can read ‘how I love my world’, the posts about my dream to travel around the world. You still find other things like that, not all about boyfriend, boyfriend, and boyfriend LOL :P

And hey, thanks for your opinion, anyway. At least it reminds to write more about other things, not always about love love fuckin’ love. Maybe things about traveling will be an interesting thing to write. Or about my international friends, oh whatever. I even think to challenge myself to not write about love for about one month later. Let me think about that, I can write about other thing for sure so you’ll feel free to read.. J

To my great friend Vineet, dhanyabad.

Mari Bergundah Gulali

Height:

158 centimeters

Shoe size:

6/38

Sexual orientation:

Man. Oh come on, I’m totally normal.

Do you smoke?

I’ve stopped.

Do you drink?

I’m trying to stop.

Do you take drugs?

No. Never.

Age you get mistaken for:

7 years old. And I had to apart with my mother.

Have tattoos?

No, unfortunately.

Want any tattoos?

I wish I could, but I’m Moslem and I can’t.

Got any piercings?

On my ears.

Want any piercings?

On my tongue or eyebrow, maybe?

Best friend:

Lala, Petty, Ichal.

Relationship status:

Yay, taken!

Favorite movie:

Something indie, something historic, something with war.

I’ll love you if:

You take me around the world for FREE!

Someone you miss:

My dad.

Most traumatic experience:

Became victim of home-violence and run away from home.

A fact about your personality:

I’m travel and coffee addict.

What I hate most about myself?

Too much acne scars around my face. And my damn-lion-hair.

What I love most about myself?

All of me, I love the way I am!

What I want to be when I get older?

Travengineer (traveler-engineer)

My relationship with my sibling:

We’re partner-in-crime.

My relationship with my parents:

My mom, my travel mate.

My idea of a perfect date:

Travel together, climb the mountain, dive in the sea, lost in a city.

My biggest pet peeves:

Iguana.

A description of the boy I like:

A funny person with lots of passions about traveling.

A description of the person I dislike the most:

A melancholy, always talk about fashion and cosmetics.

A reason I’ve lied to a friend:

I don’t want they know about that. It’s my own business.

What I hate the most about school?

I want that time turn back.

What my last text message says?

To Anto: “How to go to Poci Hill? What time is the best to take pictures there?”

What words upset me the most?

Separation.

What words make me the best about myself?

Learn, dream, feel it too much.

What I find attractive in boys?

They don’t talk about fashion or cosmetics. Most of them are adrenaline junkie.

Where I would like to live?

The Netherlands!

One of my insecurities:

I’m stuck in here can’t go traveling all the time.

My childhood career choice:

Archaeologist.

My favorite ice cream:

Vanilla, with chocolate sauce on top.

Who I wish I could be?

Full-time traveler.

Where I want to be right now?

Thailand.

The last thing I ate:

Oreo, things I can’t live without.

Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately:

Josh Harnett.

A random fact about anything:

Is it finish?

Buat 'anak gunung' yang sekarang lagi mendaki Semeru, well good luck ya. Semoga impian kamu mendaki puncak tertinggi di Pulau Jawa bisa terwujud. Titip doa untuk inspirator kita om Soe Hok Gie. I'll be there someday, tapi untuk saat ini biarlah saya konsen dulu dengan plan saya ke Togian, hehehe.. Sampai ketemu lagi hari Selasa. Gonna miss you, for sure..

The Best Relationship

The best relationship is when you two can act like lovers and best friends. It's when you have more playfiul moments than serious moments. It's when you can joke around, let each other have piggy banks, have unexpected hugs and random kisses. It's when you two give each other that specific stare and just smile. It's when you'll rather stay in to watch movies, eat junk food and cuddle, than go out all the time. It's when you'll stay up all night just to settle your arguments and problems. It's when you can completely act yourself and they can still love you for who you are.

This Boy

This boy. I knew him one month ago then suddenly become close each other. Both of us really like traveling, something which become our dream to travel around the world, something makes us never lost the topic to talk about.

This boy. Loves climbing the mountain. He dreams to climb 7 summits in Indonesia, like me want to dive 7 seas in Indonesia. He can’t stop to talk about Semeru and Rinjani while I always think about Togian and Raja Ampat. But it inspired me to try climbing someday.

This boy. Likes reading Manga and listening Japanese song. I don’t know anything about that topic, you better ask me about war movie or Bossanova and Jazz. But both of us love adventure movie and 90’s song. He can play guitar, maybe I can sing for him.

This boy. Wants to go to China, Korea, and Japan. But I want to visit Thailand, India, and Greece. Are we still can go traveling together? Well maybe Russia or The Netherlands will be a nice place. And don’t forget Tibet and Nepal, places where we create our dream to go there together.

This boy. He’s so humble. He said his family not rich, and he don’t want to depends his life from parents. But he already become rich with his knowledge, principle, and dreams. Ah, it makes me so envy and also adores him at the same time, makes me want to know him more. He inspires me, for sure.

This boy. He has bad memories with girl in past. I don’t give a fuck. I also have it, but I don’t want to remember it anymore. I’m with him now, a man who I want to share anything about with. Let the memories go away, this could be a brand new start with him.

This boy. A man who really inspire me. A man who I want to sing and dance with. A man who I want to go around the world together. A man who teach me to see the world through my mind. A man who teach me to learn more and more, and never stop to dream and make them come true.

This boy. I love him.

Joy To The June!

I decide to write again on my blog after my boyfie asked me a few days ago, “Why you never write any post again on your blog?”, so the first thing I want to say is “Hello June!”

I know I left this blog quite long time, actually I have lots of things on my mind that I want to share, but I don’t know, I can’t write them down. This bustle made me going mad, from make daily report for SAP training, until prepared to perform a dance on ‘Rhythm of The Night’ event. It made me feel exhausted every day, too bad my headache and migraine always attack me at night so I have to go to bed earlier.

And have you read my last post, which title is ‘Need a Repair’? Yeah on that post you can see how broke my condition, feels misery and no more passion with life. But it so yesterday buddy, I’m getting better now, really better. I did it, repair myself. Finally I can accept my family’s decision to move to Bandung, even my mother will get some vacation in Taipei. I’m so happy with it, at least my mother more enjoy her life know. I promise I’ll study hard after this project so I can graduate sooner and follow her to move to Bandung. I also canceled my plan to go to Makassar and would rather to spend my time with friends in here, do some sports like badminton or swimming, or go shopping, but secondhand clothing. It still interesting after all, at least I can save my money for better journey later, maybe around Thailand and watch Loy Kra Tong festival there on November, or wait until my boyfie come to Makassar and plan vacation together.

Then what about my love life? Fortunately, I don’t feel broken heart anymore. I already forget my ex and leave all my past with him, and I’m ready to face my life with my boyfie now. Oh you must be so curious about him, right? But I won’t tell you about him, I promised him it’ll be a different relationship, and one thing to make it different is I won’t share to you who exactly he is, I’ll only let you know about our relationship.

The only problem now is I have to separate with him. Because he’s in camp now and we can’t contact each other. But I still send him e-mail every day, tell him about my day. And he’ll reply it when he can get internet connection. I think it’s interesting, because I feel like I live in World War II. He’s a lieutenant, I send him mail every day, and don’t know exactly when will receive the reply. At least I know that there’s a person love me so much out there, and I feel happy that I miss him and I know I love him from this feeling. We already made lots of plan what we’ll do when he back and I can’t wait until that day.

Everything will be fine, starts from this month. I’ll be a better person, a more struggle student, a hard worker, a faithful lover. A better me. June will bring something better, something happier, as bright as summer has come. Surely.